Today I closed my eyes, just for a minute….40 mins later……eyes opened, it was 3:46 and I had missed the bus.
I flew down the stairs…it was a blur
Zack knew what to do….Seeing them together… walking through the door…safe and dry… in the house….long exhale…smile.
Reassuring myself that they are ok, I am ok.
It hits me at times like these, the fact that they depend on me…they need me. Yes we have family and friends and good neighbors and back up plans BUT I am the ONE they need. It reminds me of how much I needed them…and of a time when I didn’t think I would have them, couldn’t have them. It was a long time ago but I can still remember the longing, hoping, questioning, sorrow…the frustration of knowing that the problem was within me and I was powerless against my own body.
I remember reading in I Samuel about Hannah who desperately wanted a child and how she would pray. A priest named Eli saw her praying one day and accused her of being drunk, she told him about her prayers and sorrow and Eli blessed her. He must have been moved by her pain. Later, Hannah conceived a son… scripture says,”and the Lord remembered her.”
In Hebrew the meaning of the name Zachary is, Remembered by God.
There is a detail in the story that moves me as a mother …the little coat….”Each year his mother made him a little robe and took it to him when she went up with her husband to offer the annual sacrifice.” I can only imagine the care and love that went into making his little coat, tailored for him as he grew..knit by his mother the way God had knit him inside of her womb (Psalm 139:13) She was faithful to return the blessing back to God. And God graciously blessed her with more children (1 Samuel 2:21). I do not see myself in Hannah at all, I understand her pain and sorrow but I am not as faithful nor prayerful…I do know the same God.
This song (see link below)…as cheesy as it may be to some, still moves me. Gave me hope then and reminds me of God’s faithfulness today.
Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come
Where it was dark now theres light
Where there was pain now there’s joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy