I’ve not felt motivated to write for some time now…not until today. I’m not a good writer, I know this.
I am, however, stubborn and I do things despite my lack of ability.
This post is for someone who has literally been the hands and feet of God to me in my almost 6months of suffering. Everyday..every single day my eyes have been lifted towards the heavens because of you, I know it! I have a premonition that my season of uncertainty will be ending soon, and the next season of life will begin for us, the boys and me. Not sure which way this will go, God knows my heart’s desire and in that I have hope (does not disappoint, right.)
This trial has brought moments of excruciating pain, deep sadness, countless tears. I’m thankful for it though. I’ve felt a peace that truly can’t be described, I’ve seen my children thrive through the storm, I’ve also seen them suffer and hurt…gaps were torn for God to fill, that only God could fill. We’ve come through a dark winter and the hope of spring is on the rise. I understand the value of suffering. I appreciate the gift. I was counted worthy to suffer.
Trials allow for so much good to flow, blessings to pass, joy to surface, it does surface. Suffering is a gateway that God uses in a supernatural way for others, it’s always for others…and it should be. I knew my spiritual limitations before and now I know that God can can work in unlimited ways through hardship. Trials should be welcomed.
Thank you for using your gift. Thank you for praying ceaselessly, thank you for so much more. I hope. I have hope.
Saturday night was especially difficult. Ben was vomiting, Zack was coming down with the stomach bug. After they fell asleep I got a phone call which ignited fear in my bones…more like terror and panic. I felt scared and alone, my mind was slipping into the darkness (the peace and rest I had experienced all the days prior was gone) I got another phone call, it was from my mom…it brought comfort. ..I had rest…when we woke up… the boys and I were well. Thank you for praying when you were prompted.
God is unravelling this mystery in a specific way, in His time and I’m really excited to see where it leads.
“For there is hope for a tree,
If it is cut down, that it will sprout again,
And that its tender shoots will not cease.
Though its root may grow old in the earth,
And its stump may die in the ground,
Yet at the scent of water it will bud
And bring forth branches like a plant.” Job 14:7-9
Thank you for being the scent of water, leading me to the source in this dry desert land.